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LaFlakaLoka
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Name: Cindy
Location: New York City, New York, United States
Birthday: 10/26/1989
Gender: Female
Interests: having fun // my friends // reading (im smart) // being online // being on the phone // dancing // singing // partying // movies // music // usher (my husband) // Tweety // Hello Kitty // rock (Dashboard) // r&b // hip hop // reggae // reggaeton // bachata // merengue // salsa
Expertise: being a friend // listening // giving advice // being there for people // being sracastic // procrastination // being indecisive // singing // stating the obvious // confusing others // confusing myself
Occupation: Student
Message: message me
AIM:  BrokenSmile718
MSN: drloka2nv@hotmail.com
Yahoo:  cindy102689@yahoo.com
Member Since:
6/25/2004
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| I'm moving on
&& I'm not settling for less this time
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| Hillary: "Cindy.I miss you so much.I
remember how you always had your eyes on me.LOL.and your advice was the
best.if you weren't there so many things would had gone wrong.you will
always be my fav RA.I would always come to you if something was wrong.I
know we will see eachother very soon.I have no doubt about that."
Chris Ricks: "Cindy Cindy Cindy, what do i
say. this summer u were a big sister to me. keeping me in line while
still allowing me to grow. i thank u for all the advice u gave me
throughout the summer and everything u have done for me. have a good
summer and good luck in school. and thank you."
Mariana: "Cindy, I'm so glad i met you,
and you help me so much in the past three weeks i dont know how to
thank you. ill always cherish our talks, and moments. thank you Cindy
for being there. i miss you and our salsa club! :)"
Giancarlo: "cindy the first woman i
serenated with my voice... when i needed some advice you knew always
knew wat to say i can honestly say it was very useful.. :) i will miss
our lil scenes here and there.. ill hope to see you soon or better yet
a.s.a.p...ill never forget your stylish tips and your obsession with
bachata.. hope to see you soon : yours truly Giancarlo"
&& this is not including Amber's letter, Kiara's letter, and the verbal thank yous from many others
One of the most heart warming words spoken to me during the institute :: "Thank you for making me tell you and telling my mom"
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| I wrote an entry a little over 2 years ago and I don't know whether I should be proud of the progress I've made or question myself because fundamentally I still feel the same way.
"at the retreat we had the most emotional conversation we have ever had:
teen suicide. i couldnt take it ...i couldnt handle talking about it
and listening to those stories and reliving those moments. i turned
around put my head down and let the emotion flow out of me. it was like
a flood and it wouldnt stop. the past 17 19 years of my life were replayed
in my mind [and] it's all my fault ...everything is my fault ...i'm not good
enough ...i'm not pretty enough ...i'm not SOMETHING enough... when
richard told us to forgive ourselves i dont know how i could [do] that. it
was just the most emotional i have allowed myself to be this year ...
nobody knows but for awhile i resorted to my old tricks for awhile ...i
stopped eating ...to an extent it was a lack of hunger but it also
wasnt my conscious decision ...i know that slowly i was killing myself
...i didnt think about it like that before but during retreat i
realized what i was doing to myself and i started sobbing ...i didnt
share my story because i had no words ...i still dont ...i dont know
how to express my fears of abandonment and replacement and death and
the future and being a disappointment... i also didnt want to talk
about all the best friends who have left me behind and blamed it on me
or how my brother talks to me or how my father used to treat me when i
used to talk to him or how i mother acts towards me ...how i laugh off
jokes because i dont want people to know how much they really hurt me
...how i'm the most sensitive and over-emotional person ever but ive
learned to not let people see that or else i'll get left behind ...i
HATE being abandoned i dont know how i can explain the feeling
...worse, i HATE being left for another person ...i've never been good
enough to stick around for ...never good enough to fight for ...never
good enough to try for ...just never enough"
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| I realized that I care so much about school because school has been my only source of stability ...I know how to do well in school ...I actually do get out of it what I put into it ...I see the benefit of of the effort I put into school ...A bad grade is my fault and my fault alone ...A good grade is also my doing... It might sound sad that I rely on school, but fuck it ...I love being intelligent ...because I do have a life... I just don't have much faith in the sustainability of certain relationships ... | | |
| You're everything I could have ever asked for
I everything I never want to lose
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